All posts by Steven Zawila

How to stop running out of things to say when talking to her

Talking to women

A long time ago, I remember trying to start a conversation with a woman who I thought looked kinda cute. It went something like this…

“Hi”

“Hi”

“How are you?”

“I’m good. How are you?”

“Good, good.”

“…”

(Uh-oh, awkward silence! How do I keep the conversation going? What do I say next? Do I make a joke? Should I comment on how she looks? Think, Steve, think!!)

“So, the weather’s pretty nice,” I muttered. (The weather? Really Steve??)

“Yeah,” she replied.

“…”

“Umm, I need to go,” she finally said. “Nice talking to you” she halfheartedly added. Well, crap. It only took me about 30 seconds before I completely ran out of things to say to her.

How do you overcome the obstacle of running out of things to say when talking to women?

Continue reading How to stop running out of things to say when talking to her →

What are you supposed to talk to her about?

Talking to women

A long time ago, I used to have a crush on a woman that I saw every day on my bus ride home. I wanted to just go up and talk to her but I was always afraid to. Mostly because I had no idea what I was even supposed to talk to her about.

One day I decided to just go for it. I remember it going something like this:

“Hi”, I sputtered nervously.

“Hi,” she replied.

I felt my heart racing at a million miles per hour. Oh jeez, what do I say next?

“Umm…what time is it?” I muttered. Really, Steve? The time?! You couldn’t think of anything better?!?

“It’s 3:25” she replied.

“Oh, ok” I responded.

A few minutes passed. We arrived at her stop. She got up and walked off the bus. Well, crap. I slunk down into my seat, buried my face in my hands, let out a long sigh, and started hoping that nobody witnessed my dismal attempt at talking to her.

What are you supposed to talk about when you’re talking to someone you’re interested in?

Continue reading What are you supposed to talk to her about? →

Social Skills with Jeremy Kochis

Friday Romantics

Welcome to my brand-new series, Friday Romantics! This is a new series where I interview dating experts to learn their secrets.

Today’s Romantic is Jeremy Kochis. Jeremy runs the website www.unstoppablematch.com where he helps introverted men overcome their social obstacles and become skilled at dating to find fulfilling relationships.

Jeremy is one of my friends and he was super supportive of me when I first set out to grow my website. He coaches men one-on-one with dating (something that I’ve never done before as of writing this) and I had the honor of formally meeting him last September at a conference in Chicago called Forefront 2017.

Below, pay attention to how we talk about:

  • Jeremy’s three recommendations on talking to women, naturally
  • How he expanded his social circle and made more male and female friends even when he didn’t know anybody after college
  • His one biggest piece of advice when it comes to finding a girlfriend, which will naturally make you more attractive and confident around women
  • His approach on coaching men with dating and one of his success stories
  • How he overcame his shyness and social anxiety

Continue reading Social Skills with Jeremy Kochis →

How to tease a woman respectfully

Talking to women

I’ve been wary of writing about how to tease women for a long time because there are a lot of sleazy ways to do it. Too many dating advice gurus and pickup artists will tell you to “neg” her by giving her a backhanded compliment so that you lower her self-esteem until she decides to go out with you.

Ugh! It grinds my gears that this type of advice even exists.

Ultimately, I decided to write about teasing because it is a valid form of flirting and there is a way to tease women respectfully. And I think it’s about time that someone wrote about how to tease women in a way that is both non-sleazy and respectful.

The most important thing to remember when it comes to teasing is to do it respectfully.

Respectful teasing is: playfully insulting her without intending to hurt her feelings

Respectful teasing is NOT: insulting her with the intention of actually hurting her feelings

Only jerks tease women by belittling her and trying to undermine her self-confidence. Instead, you want to tease her respectfully. Always be conscious of her feelings. A respectful tease involves saying something slightly edgy or irreverent that will catch her off guard, but without making her feel uncomfortable or offended.

Continue reading How to tease a woman respectfully →

How I personally flirt

Talking to women

For a long time, I didn’t know how to flirt at all. I knew flirting was important because it shows her that you’re romantically interested, but I just had no idea how to do it. It was embarrassing for me because I had assumed that knowing how to flirt was something that everyone was naturally able to do.

Well, everyone except me that is.

Eventually, I came up with my own way of flirting that’s authentic to my own introverted self. It’s gotten me dates and meaningful relationships naturally without making me feel sleazy or like a pickup-artist. If you’re like my past self and you have no idea what flirting is or how to do it, then I’m going to show you in detail how I personally flirt.

Just in case you were too embarrassed to ask.

Continue reading How I personally flirt →

The Truth About S— Tests

Living an honest life

(Warning: Vulgar language ahead. Usually I don’t like swearing, but I directly quote pickup-artistry in this post because I want to argue against it)

A few days ago, I was traveling in Seattle, Washington. The traffic there is notorious for being bad, and I had the fun experience of being able to enjoy it firsthand. I was driving along one of the streets downtown and saw was a green traffic light in the intersection in front of me, about 20 or 30 feet away.

“No problem,” I thought as I pressed down on the gas pedal. “I’ll make that with time to spare.”

I didn’t.

As I approached the intersection, the car from the adjacent lane suddenly pulled in front of me—without signaling—and stopped right there. My foot slams on the brake, my Starbucks coffee begins to spill out of its cup, and my car makes a horrible SCREEECH noise as it continues to slide ever so slowly towards the car in front of me. I close my eyes and cover my face with my arms.

A deafening silence pierces the next few seconds. I cautiously lower my arms to see the damage. There was none. My car had come to a stop mere centimeters away from the one in front of me. The driver who cut me off was busy texting away on her phone, completely oblivious to the destruction that she almost caused.

My response:

I’m a calm and gentle person by nature and it takes a lot to get me angry. So, when something does get me ticked off then you better believe it’s a big thing.

This ticks me off. Buckle up because it’s about to get real.

Continue reading The Truth About S— Tests →

Teasing – my unpopular opinion

Talking to women

One of my readers had an interesting question. He showed me a few articles written from some popular dating coaches about how to tease women, which talked a lot about how teasing is “super important” and how it’s the “main form of flirting” and how you absolutely NEED to be good at it or else women will only see you as a friend. Then, he asked me what I thought. How important is it really to tease women?

For what it’s worth, I disagree with those coaches.

Continue reading Teasing – my unpopular opinion →

How to have a great first date with women you meet online

Dating

Getting a first date can be hard. Getting that second date can be harder.

I’ve had a lot of first dates with women I met online that have not led to second dates. I’ve had women tell me that they didn’t feel a romantic connection. I’ve had women tell me that they’d rather be friends. I’ve had women agree to go on a second date and then later cancel on our plans.

And, occasionally, I’ve had women just stop texting me altogether.

Ghosts…they’re no fun!

When you meeting her from the internet for the first time, how do you have a great first date with her so that she’ll want to have a second date with you?

Continue reading How to have a great first date with women you meet online →

Become more confident in three simple steps

Being confident

Note: This article was originally published on sosuave.com

Let’s talk about confidence.

Women always say that they love confidence in guys. As I was growing up, it always felt like women would always go for the guys who were more confident and outgoing. Whenever I had a crush on someone, most of the time I would be too scared to ask her out. My mind would tell me things like “she probably already has a boyfriend,” and if I did try to talk to her then I would become super awkward and would barely even be able to say anything.

This makes it especially difficult because as men, we’re the ones who are expected to be the initiators when it comes to dating. It’s up to us to take the first step and ask her out, to go for the first kiss, to ask her to be exclusive, to say the first “I love you”, and so on. And this can mean having to step way, way out of your comfort zone. How are we supposed to be confident when it comes to dating, then?

I’m not going to give you some generic advice such as “fake it until you make it” or “just be confident.” You’ve probably already heard that enough times already. Instead, I’m going to show you the three steps that I used to finally become confident around women.

Continue reading Become more confident in three simple steps →

How to flirt with women as an introvert

Talking to women

When I first started looking for love, I noticed that one of my friends who I always saw getting dates had the opposite personality as I did. He is very extroverted and he loves to surround himself with people all the time. When he talks to women, he is very aggressive and makes the conversation overtly sexual very quickly.

That’s not me at all. I’m introverted, reserved, and gentle. After watching my friend succeed seemingly all the time while talking to women, I started to become afraid that I would have to change my personality to be more like his if I ever wanted to get a girlfriend.

I tried to behave more like my friend. However, I didn’t achieve any success even though I was basically doing the same things he was. I also started to feel like I was being an actor by going against my own personality.

What was I doing wrong?

Continue reading How to flirt with women as an introvert →