A fellow blogger I know named Amin Lakhani wrote a very vulnerable post describing his most recent breakup. Based on what he wrote, I couldn’t help but reach out to him and offer my thoughts. Feel free to read his post for yourself if you like, but I’ll give you the TL:DR version here:
Amin himself is wheelchair-bound, and he basically says that he started 2018 by breaking up with a woman he was dating and then wondering if he had just made the biggest mistake of his life. He describes her as a very emotionally mature woman but says that he never felt challenged and became bored with her, which ultimately led him to break it off. He compares her to another woman he dated who provided more of a challenge and laments that his most recent ex couldn’t have been more like this other woman.
After I read his post I sympathized with his pain but I also couldn’t agree with a lot of what he was saying. I wrote him a letter expressing my condolences and explaining the things I disagreed with. You can read it for yourself below.
Pay attention to how I talk about:
- The science behind love and the three types of attachment systems
- What it means to have an anxious, avoidant, and a secure attachment system
- Why playing games in a relationship is a sign of insecurity rather than strength
- Why men and women are sometimes attracted to people who play games, even though this leads to drama and conflict
- How the scripts we received during our younger years shape the way we see relationships when we are older