How to ask a friend out

Where to meet women

Having feelings for a friend can be both exciting and terrifying.

It feels familiar because they’re someone you’ve already known for a while. They’re someone you enjoy spending time with, someone you can trust, and maybe someone you’ve shared a few of your closest secrets with.

Maybe some unexpected romantic feelings are now starting to surface when you’re around her. After all, you’re most likely compatible because you’ve been around each other for a while now and each time you see her those feelings of fondness grow more and more.

I’ve had my fair share of crushes on friends over the years. Sometimes I’ve been able to ask them out successfully. Other times, they’ve turned me down, but we were still able to preserve the friendship.

It’s totally natural! With such a mixed group of friends hanging out and traveling together, it was only a matter of time before some of us began to develop feelings for one another.

friends that asked each other out
Our circle of friends. Two of the guys in this picture ended up marrying two of the girls at the table.

But, what if it doesn’t work out? Are things going to be awkward now? Is it going to ruin your friendship with her?

Today’s newsletter is about how to ask out a friend and give yourself the best chance of success, while also keeping your existing relationship with her intact no matter how it turns out.

Continue reading How to ask a friend out →

Dating advice for shy men and introverts

Dating

For many of us who are shy or introverted, dating might feel impossible.

We might not enjoy the bar & scene for meeting women. A lot of other people are naturally sociable and just seem to “accidentally” fall into relationships, while we might go several months (or even years) before meeting a girl that we’re interested in talking to.

Holding a conversation that flows with a woman we like can also feel daunting. Just talking to her without creating an awkward silence or running out of things to say is hard enough. On top of that, how are you supposed to make the conversation funny or flirty?

shy man

Continue reading Dating advice for shy men and introverts →

She ghosted me. What should I do?

Dating

So, you’ve connected with an awesome woman online. You’re exchanging messages back-and-forth, first over the online dating app and then over text message itself. She agrees to go on a date with you. The two of you meet for the first time and you really hit it off! You’re excited to get to know her better.

But suddenly, she just stops responding to your messages.

Maybe it’s after that first date. Maybe it’s after a week or longer. And you’re left wondering…

What happened? Why is she ghosting me?

man getting ghosted

We’ve all been there. I’ve also been ghosted by women I’ve met online. About 30 percent of adults in the United States report being ghosted before, and that number climbs to over 50+ percent when it comes to online dating!

It sucks! So, why is ghosting in modern dating? And how do you keep it from happening to you?

Continue reading She ghosted me. What should I do? →

How to initiate physical touch on a first date

Dating

Should you initiate physical touch on a first date?

I’ve searched around on this and the answers I received were…conflicting. Google tells me that the things women search for include both:

  • “Guy too touchy on first date”, AND
  • “He didn’t touch me on first date”
Related searches for physical touch on first date
Gosh darn it Google, which one is it?

A lot of people are understandably hesitant about the idea of initiating physical touch on the first date. Introverts in particular tend to be more polite around people they’re interested in. Making women feel uncomfortable is one of the last things they want to do. As one of my readers puts it, “Something I am less comfortable with is the idea of miss reading signs and going in for a kiss she doesn’t want.”

On the other hand, are you just putting yourself in the dreaded friend-zone if you don’t touch her on that first date? I’ve seen other dating coaches say that you risk friend-zoning yourself if you don’t kiss her on the first date (yes, really). There’s even an old Taylor Swift from 2006 called Our Song that goes:

Our song is the way he laughs
The first date, “I didn’t kiss him and I should have”
And when I got home, ‘fore I said “Amen”
Askin’ God if he could play it again

So, which one is it?! Should you initiate physical touch on the first date? And how much should you touch her?

Continue reading How to initiate physical touch on a first date →

Should you be “friends first” when dating?

Dating

A client of mine said that he had a crush on someone from his tennis class and asked me if he should be “friends first” with her before asking her out. This got me wondering.

Should you be “friends first” before trying to pursue someone romantically?

I searched around for an answer and got a lot of good points for both sides. Some good arguments in favor of being “friends first” are:

  • Being friends means you already have a great foundation for a relationship
  • Women often say that guys are interested in “one thing” so being her friend first proves that you’re not just trying to get into her pants
  • She says she wants to be friends first before dating
  • Everyone wants a significant other that you can also be best friends with

There were also some good arguments against being friends first, such as:

  • You put your friendship in jeopardy if the relationship doesn’t work out
  • Someone might swoop in and steal her if you spend too much time being friends
  • She might feel duped if you express romantic feelings and she thought you just wanted to be friends

Perhaps the best and most famous summarization of the debate comes from the sitcom Friends:

Fun fact: this is actually the origin of the term “friend zone”

By being friends first, are you laying the foundation for a relationship? Or to priesthood?

Continue reading Should you be “friends first” when dating? →

How to flirt with women as an introvert

Talking to women

Most flirting advice misses the mark for introverts. Here’s why.

What comes to mind when you think of the term, “flirting”? You probably think of things like winking, furtive glances, small touches with plausible deniability, innuendo, or double entendres. You know…the kind of things people might do in the bar & club scene.

playful flirt sideways glance
A playful sideways glance you might see in the bar & club scene

This always scared as an introvert back when I was looking for love because:

  1. Those types of behaviors always felt “rude” to me as a gentle, introverted soul
  2. Bars & clubs were among the least enjoyable places for me, up there with the DMV and the doctor’s office

Would I simply have to adopt a bunch of new behaviors that felt unnatural to me so I could find love? Or was I doomed to stay single forever?

The good news is I didn’t have to use those flirting tactics associated with the bar & club scene. Like, at all. Turns out those behaviors described above are only one style of flirting – and science says there are five distinct types (Playful, Physical, Polite, Sincere, and Traditional).

Those bar & club flirting tactics described above are also the ones that were LEAST likely to result in a long-term relationship (only around 12 percent according to Dr. Jeffrey Hall). The flirting styles that were MOST likely to result in a long-term relationship, on the other hand, are the ones that introverts naturally gravitate to!

There’s a “4-step Flirting Process for Introverts” that I recommend. I can vouch for this process because it’s the EXACT one I used to win over my wife! It goes like this.

Continue reading How to flirt with women as an introvert →

How to date as an Asian man, with Ruby Love

Friday Romantics

Meet Ruby Love. She’s a professional dating coach who runs ‘Good Gentleman’ and has been described as a modern-day Asian Female Hitch. She helps introverted and inexperienced men find quality women, without changing who they are. Her work centers around helping them see they got what it takes, and to find confidence in who they already are and working off of that.

Ruby Love, your "modern-day Asian Female Hitch"

Ruby and I held a Q&A session where I asked her several questions submitted by my readers about how introverted men can find love. One of the questions sent in blew me away and I think it deserves its own post.

He asked:

What are your thoughts on discrimination around Asians when it comes to dating? How do you handle that?

This is something that resonated with me because I’m a second generation Chinese American myself. I know what it’s like to have people treat you differently because of the shape of your eyes.

Here’s what our conversation looked like after I brought up the topic of dating for Asian men:

Continue reading How to date as an Asian man, with Ruby Love →

How to meet women as an introvert, with Ruby Love

Friday Romantics

Our guest this week on Friday Romantics is Ruby Love from ‘Good Gentleman’. She’s a professional dating coach from San Diego who works with the good intentioned gentlemen who haven’t been given a chance. 

Ruby helps introverted and inexperienced men find quality women, without changing who they are. Her work centers around helping them see they got what it takes, and to find confidence in who they already are and working off of that.

Below, pay attention to how we talk about:

  • How introverts can start meeting women
  • The best online dating apps for introverts and why
  • How to be attractive if you don’t have a lot of dating experience
  • Ruby’s 3-step method to talk about yourself in a way that women LOVE
  • How to be interesting even if you’re more of a homebody
  • Writing an online profile that resonates with her (most men get this backwards!)

Continue reading How to meet women as an introvert, with Ruby Love →

“Quietly Romantic” is a Top 30 Introvert Blog in 2026!!

Living an honest life

HOLY COW!! I got a message from FeedSpot that ‘Quietly Romantic’ has been recognized as one of Feedspot’s Top 30 Introvert Blogs on the web!!

I’m flattered but…I didn’t get here on my own.

It’s only because of readers like YOU that my platform has grown to what it is today. Back when I first launched ‘Quietly Romantic’ back in 2019, the only people I had reading my blog was an audience of 2 people. Just a couple of my friends.

My entire readership back in 2019 fit on a single screenshot. Not even my girlfriend at the time read my stuff!

Those 2 nerds were incredibly supportive, but they could only bring me so far.

That’s why I’m MASSIVELY grateful to readers like you.

Because of people like YOU who read my stuff over the years, ‘Quietly Romantic’ has grown into one of the best resources on the web for introverted men looking for wholesome love advice. My dream has always been for this platform to serve as a beacon against all the weird, manosphere, PUA advice out there. And to be a shining example of what positive masculinity looks like.

It’s only with YOUR support that I was able to make it this far. I’m incredibly humbled to be on your computer screen right now (…or tablet, smartphone, microwave, whatever you’re reading this on). It’s an honor to serve you.

In short,

Thank you!!

Humbled and grateful,
Steven Zawila from Quietly Romantic

P.S. Yes, that’s me in my pajamas. I was so thrilled when I received the notification from FeedSpot that I snapped this pic without changing into my clothes. Thanks again for reading!

How I personally flirt (seriously just do this if you don’t know how to flirt!!)

Talking to women

For a long time, I didn’t know how to flirt at all. I knew flirting was important because it shows her that you’re romantically interested, but I just had no idea how to do it. It was embarrassing for me because I had assumed that knowing how to flirt was something that everyone was naturally able to do.

Well, everyone except me that is.

Eventually, I came up with my own way of flirting that’s authentic to my own introverted self. It’s gotten me dates and meaningful relationships naturally without making me feel sleazy or like a pickup-artist. If you’re like my past self and you have no idea what flirting is or how to do it, then I’m going to show you in detail how I personally flirt.

Just in case you were too embarrassed to ask.

Continue reading How I personally flirt (seriously just do this if you don’t know how to flirt!!) →