All posts by Steven Zawila

“Quietly Romantic” is a Top 30 Introvert Blog in 2026!!

Living an honest life

HOLY COW!! I got a message from FeedSpot that ‘Quietly Romantic’ has been recognized as one of the Top 30 Introvert Blogs on the web!! Feedspot is an RSS Reader that lets you subscribe to blogs, news sites, and any website you want to keep up with.

I’m flattered but…I didn’t get here on my own.

It’s only because of readers like YOU that my platform has grown to what it is today. Back when I first launched ‘Quietly Romantic’ back in 2019, the only people I had reading my blog was an audience of 2 people. Just a couple of my friends.

My entire readership back in 2019 fit on a single screenshot. Not even my girlfriend at the time read my stuff!

Those 2 nerds were incredibly supportive, but they could only bring me so far.

That’s why I’m MASSIVELY grateful to readers like you.

Because of people like YOU who read my stuff over the years, ‘Quietly Romantic’ has grown into one of the best resources on the web for introverted men looking for wholesome love advice. My dream has always been for this platform to serve as a beacon against all the weird, manosphere, PUA advice out there. And to be a shining example of what positive masculinity looks like.

It’s only with YOUR support that I was able to make it this far. I’m incredibly humbled to be on your computer screen right now (…or tablet, smartphone, microwave, whatever you’re reading this on). It’s an honor to serve you.

In short,

Thank you!!

Humbled and grateful,
Steven Zawila from Quietly Romantic

P.S. Yes, that’s me in my pajamas. I was so thrilled when I received the notification from FeedSpot that I snapped this pic without changing into my clothes. Thanks again for reading!

How I personally flirt (seriously just do this if you don’t know how to flirt!!)

Talking to women

For a long time, I didn’t know how to flirt at all. I knew flirting was important because it shows her that you’re romantically interested, but I just had no idea how to do it. It was embarrassing for me because I had assumed that knowing how to flirt was something that everyone was naturally able to do.

Well, everyone except me that is.

Eventually, I came up with my own way of flirting that’s authentic to my own introverted self. It’s gotten me dates and meaningful relationships naturally without making me feel sleazy or like a pickup-artist. If you’re like my past self and you have no idea what flirting is or how to do it, then I’m going to show you in detail how I personally flirt.

Just in case you were too embarrassed to ask.

Continue reading How I personally flirt (seriously just do this if you don’t know how to flirt!!) →

How to get women to approach YOU (yes, really!)

Where to meet women

I almost couldn’t believe the words I was reading.

Some time ago, I was coaching a client named Hayden who told me that he’d never been in a relationship before. He’d never been on a date either. In fact, he’d never even asked a woman out since grade school because the last time he tried, he ended up getting badly bullied by his classmates. That experience followed him for a long time and left him terrified of asking anyone out again, even throughout his adult life.

Fast forward a few weeks, and Hayden tells me that women are now approaching him and asking him out on dates! Even more, it didn’t take any drastic changes such as becoming filthy rich or super-ripped overnight. He just made a few tweaks to his daily life.

So, you can imagine my surprise when he told me this!!

Here’s what he did:

Continue reading How to get women to approach YOU (yes, really!) →

A gamer’s guide to being confident around women

Being confident

Let’s talk about confidence.

Women always say that they love confidence in guys. As I was growing up, it always felt like women would always go for the guys who were more confident and outgoing. Whenever I had a crush on someone, most of the time I would be too scared to ask her out. My mind would tell me things like “she probably already has a boyfriend,” and if I did try to talk to her then I would become super awkward and would barely even be able to say anything.

This makes it especially difficult because as a guy, you’re the one who’s expected to be the initiator. You’re the one who’s expected to approach her, begin the conversation, ask her out, and so on. This also means that you’re the one who risks being rejected every step of the way. If I tried to ask her out, I would never have enough confidence while talking to her to get her to out with me. And when she rejected me, this lowered my confidence even more and made it even harder to talk to the next person that I liked.

For guys that have had relationships in the past or who often go on dates, it’s easier to be confident because the fact that they’ve had a girlfriend before or have been dating a lot of women provides a confidence and self-esteem boost. They know that they’re attractive already. But what about those of us who have never had a girlfriend before or who struggle to even get a first date?

How are we supposed to be confident then?

I’m not going to give you some generic advice such as “man up” or “grow a pair.” You’ve probably already heard that enough times already. Instead, I’m going to show you how I learned to be confident. There are three steps, and along the way we’re going to gain the Triforce of Wisdom, Courage, and Power and become the hero that Hyrule needs.

Are you ready? I hope so. Zelda is counting on you!

Continue reading A gamer’s guide to being confident around women →

The “best” way to flirt — according to science

Talking to women

How do you tell the difference if she’s flirting with you or just being polite? I was always horrible at that.

My friends would sometimes tell me that “such-and-such” had a crush on me, or that another woman I was talking to actually was trying to hit on me, but I never really believed them. I thought my friends were just trying to be nice and “psyche me up”. It just seemed like the women I was talking to were simply being friendly.

Looking back I think a lot of it was just fear of rejection. I would psyche myself out of it and tell myself “she’s probably just being friendly”, “she’s probably not interested”, or “she probably already has a boyfriend” even when in hindsight it was obvious that she was flirting.

  • One time, a female friend texted me at 10pm saying she was going through a rough break-up and asked me if I was free that night. I told her “No, it’s late. I’m going to bed. See you later.”
  • Another female friend invited me to her apartment for board games, cooked dinner for me, and then spelled out “want sex” on a Scrabble board. My response? “Okay, that’s +19 points for you.”

And that’s why I was single for so long…

So, how do you know when someone is flirting with you? And how do you flirt back?

Continue reading The “best” way to flirt — according to science →

Don’t know how to flirt? Try doing this!!

Talking to women

So, was there a class on flirting that I missed when I was younger? It seemed like everyone else already knew how to do it and get into relationships. And whenever I tried to get advice, all I heard was “learn to flirt” with no explanation.

Today I have both a long answer and short answer for you. The long answer is quite technical and scientific…but it’s also a great read so I’d recommend checking it out when you got a sec.

And for the short answer—

I’m going to do something I don’t usually do and recommend a specific flirting technique that you can use today from former-pickup-artist Mark Manson’s book Models called “cold reading”.

Now, I have A LOT of contempt for PUA and it’s not something I would typically touch with a 10-foot pole. It’s also been scientifically proven that everyone’s flirting style is also different, so recommending a specific flirting technique for everyone—especially one from the world of PUA—seems like a weird thing for me to do.

So, what gives?

I’ve previously written that dating advice which appears independently in multiple places—especially outside of the realm of dating advice—is generally worth following. Cold reading happens to fit that bill. In the book Never Split the Difference, Chris Voss describes a similar technique he calls “labeling” or “tactical empathy” that he used to negotiate with hostage-takers back when he worked for the FBI.

You might even see this sort of technique in the world of competitive gaming (yes, really) where it’s called a “hard read” or “reading your opponent”. I’ve done it myself in many online competitions.

Seem like something worth knowing? Let’s get into it!

Continue reading Don’t know how to flirt? Try doing this!! →

Try this DARING exercise to become more confident!!

Being confident

Today we’re going to talk about the things that make YOU awesome!

Aww, yeah!!

So, in my other life I’m also a private equity accountant and one of the things we studied in business school was the Johari window. Basically, there are AWESOME qualities about you that are both known/unknown to yourself, and also known/unknown to others:

You can tell I’m an accountant because I made this visual in Microsoft Excel

We’re mostly interested in Quadrant 2 – your strengths that are known to others but not known by you (yet!) There’s an easy way to find out what they are but it IS going to push you out of your comfort zone. You’ve been warned!

Continue reading Try this DARING exercise to become more confident!! →

How bad dating advice destroyed my relationships

Living an honest life

Hey, you might know me as Steve from Quietly Romantic but in my other life I’m also a private equity accountant. To qualify for this role, I had to:

  • Get my bachelor’s degree in accounting
  • Get a master’s degree in accounting
  • Take several MBA courses
  • Learn how to use an abacus

(okay, one of those is a lie)

One piece of advice they hammered into us in business school that—spoiler alert—turned out to be completely false was that you need to bring your business cards with you everywhere you go.

You’re at a networking event? Bring your business cards and hand them out to everyone. Are you in the elevator or on the airplane next to a VIP? I hope you brought your business cards!! Carry them everywhere and hand them out to everyone. Make it rain!

Since I was just getting started in my career and didn’t know any better – that’s exactly what I did. I printed out a stack of business cards and brought them everywhere. I got them laminated. I treated them like they were sacred and protected them like they were my passport.

What stupid advice that turned out to be!! I’m still salty about that years after the fact.

Can you think of another device you can use to record a business contact’s info? What could we use instead of a business card? It might be in your pocket. You might even be reading this blog post on it right now!

Smartphones — better than business cards and so easy a baby could use them!

In hindsight, that’s dumb advice. That’s the thing about bad advice though – it’s hard to tell which advice is good and which is bad without already knowing what the good advice looks like.

And, unfortunately, the world of dating advice is overflowing with bad advice.

Here’s how I recommend sorting through it:

Continue reading How bad dating advice destroyed my relationships →

Become confident by living a meaningful life

Being confident

I’ve been reading a lot of self-books these days and it seems like many of them have a similar exercise–

(GOOD self-help books, I mean. Not those weird ones from other dating coaches with half-naked women on the cover, but reputable books like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey or The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman).

Books like these ask you to imagine your own funeral and write a eulogy for yourself. What do you want people to say about you when they talk about you? What legacy would you like to leave behind when you’re no longer here?

I’m gonna be honest and say that I’ve been resisting doing this exercise whenever I read it. Yeah, I know I should, but…

…holy cow, what a depressing thing to think about…

After reading this one, two, three times though, I started to get curious. Maybe it was worth thinking about it if several different authors were independently saying the same thing.

Turns out, it highlights an important part of being confident around women.

One of the best ways to become confident is to live a meaningful life. And thinking about what you’d like people to say about you when you’re not around is a great way to do just that.

Maybe it’s a bit much to ask you to imagine your own funeral. I mean, I still haven’t done that exercise myself. Who am I to tell you to do it?

Another great way to start moving toward a meaningful life is to choose what I call your “Awesome Alternative”, and it goes like this—

Continue reading Become confident by living a meaningful life →

The science behind feeling confident

Being confident

Have you ever thought about how dangerous the modern world is?

You’re probably reading this email on your computer or phone right now. You would have had to plug in whatever device you’re reading this email on. If your fingers were just 1 or 2 centimeters off the mark, you could have fried yourself!

This could have killed you, ya know!

What an incredibly dangerous task! I’m sure you didn’t even think twice about pulling it off. That’s because you’ve already demonstrated to the part of your brain which controls confidence that you are capable of performing such a task.

The science behind where confidence comes from

That part of your brain is called the amygdala and it’s responsible for regulating your body’s emotional responses. One of those responses is fear and confidence. Its task is to keep you alive by making you feel unconfident around situations it believes you are not equipped to handle.

Continue reading The science behind feeling confident →