Is online dating hard? Here’s my secret, go-to message!

The rules of dating are different now than they were before. When everything was “normal”, maybe you’d run into a woman you liked while you were out with some friends and then you’d get her phone number.

Maybe your first date was a double-date with friends, or dinner at a nice place, or even a fun activity such as mini-golf (one of my favorites!) Maybe your second date included going to the park where you’d “accidentally” brush up against her and somehow ended up holding hands. And, if you still liked her at this point, maybe your third date would involve drinks and a movie with some cuddling.

It’s different now. The old rules of dating no longer apply.

Just because we’re under lockdown, though, doesn’t mean that our dating lives have to come to a halt!

Today, more and more people are turning to the world of online dating to continue their dating lives. They have virtual dates over Skype/FaceTime/Zoom rather than in-person dates. And, hey, just because it’s a virtual date doesn’t mean it’s any less real!

To make it as easy as possible for you, I’ve put together a Q&A of some questions that I’ve received from my readers:

Q: You talked about the power of “messaging” in yesterday’s article. What are some good “messages” that an online dating profile might give off?

A: Some good “messages” I might suggest are…

  • Fun – What are your hobbies? Include some pictures and stories in your bio. If she sees your hobbies and she happens to enjoy the same activities, chances are good you’ll get a response!
  • Gentle – Do you look open and approachable in your pictures? (a.k.a. not an arrogant dude flexing their muscles with his shirt off?)
  • Positive – Are you enjoying yourself in your pictures? Does your bio sound like you enjoyed writing it?

Q: Which online dating platforms do you recommend?

A: I’ve used OKCupid to great effect. Personally, I prefer online dating apps that allow you to write a detailed bio about yourself since this lets you show off more of your personality.

Q: I’ve been talking to a woman and she says she’s busy these days but she’s like to go out when she has free time. How should I handle this?

A: Sorry, but in my experience if a woman says that she’s like to go out “sometime” or that she’s “busy” or anything other than a “YES” then she’s politely turning you down. Cut your losses and move on.

Q: What’s a good place or activity to ask her out to?

A: Since we’re in lockdown, I suggest finding a fun activity that you can do virtually over a FaceTime or Zoom call. For example, you can easily play Pictionary together with only pen and paper. You could also play co-op games over Steam if she’s into that (I recommend Stardew Valley!) Another option is to have a virtual dinner or movie night together. The possibilities are endless – just get creative!

Q: How long should I talk to a woman online before asking for her number?

A: Feel it out. Talk to her long enough so that you have an interesting conversation, but not TOO long that it becomes boring. It’s better to err on the side of being too short rather than too long. To make this easier for you, here’s my favorite go-to message for getting a woman’s phone number online –

“Hey [her name], I got to go but I had a great time talking to you tonight and I’d love to get to know you better. Could I get your number?”

I’m a firm believer that our dating lives don’t have to come to an end just because we’re in lockdown. With the above Q&A and my secret go-to script, you now have the tools that I wish I had when I first started looking for love.

This is the final article in my series on dating during the pandemic. I hope you liked it, and I hope that it makes life easier for even just one person.

Honestly, though…

…I hope that everything I’ve written here becomes obsolete as quickly as possible. I hope that our lives go back to “normal” sooner rather than later so that we can go outside and do the things that we used to do again.

What makes lockdown so hard, is that we’re social beings by nature. We’re not meant to be isolated from other people for extended periods of time. Luckily, our dating lives do not have to come to a halt just because we’re stuck inside.

At the end of the day, I hope to help you find that woman who “gets” you. Who you can totally just be yourself around. Who knows your likes and dislikes, your flaws, your quirky character traits, and who loves you all the same.

That’s what I want to help you achieve. It’s absolutely possible. Even during a global pandemic!

Finally, if you liked this series, make sure to sign up for my newsletter. You get my best dating advice that I don’t share anywhere else, such as the Quietly Romantic Guide to Talking to Women with word-for-word scripts you can steal. Just enter your email below and I’ll send it right to your inbox!

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