How to tell if she’s interested in you

I really used to suck at picking up signals from women. There have been times where my friends would tell me that I’ve missed having a woman flirt or even openly hit on me, saying that it was obvious she was doing so. But I didn’t realize it at the time because to me, it felt like she was just being friendly.

Also, I’ve been told months after the fact that a woman I knew really liked me but I never made a move so she ended up thinking I wasn’t interested. This really surprised me because I had no idea that she was interested in me at all.

Even though the year is 2017 and we’re in the 21st century, the gender role still holds strong that a lot of women still expect us guys to make the first move. It’s up to us to go talk to her, ask her out, go for the first kiss, and so on.

So, how do you know if she wants you to approach her? Here are a few signs that she might use to show that she is interested in you:

Flirtatious Signal 1: She “invades” your personal space

We allow people into our personal space depending on what our relationship to them is. When dealing with strangers or people that we do not know very well, it’s normal for us to keep them at a literal “arm’s length” away. With friends or family members, it’s normal to allow them a little more room into our personal space.

A woman who’s into you may try to subtly invade your personal space. She may “accidentally” brush against you or make short, incidental touches on your arm. If she’s repeatedly making contact or there’s almost nobody around then chances are it’s not by accident. Also, if you’re sitting down together then she may be leaning in to get closer to you.

Another hint that she’s interested in you is that she faces you with her entire body. If her face, torso, and feet are directly facing you then she’s interested in talking to you. However, if she’s turning away from you or she keeps glancing to the side as you talk to her then she’s probably looking for a way to leave the conversation.

Try escalating her touch and see where it goes from there. Give her a subtle touch on the arm or shoulder. Is she smiling, leaning into your touch, or touching you back? These are all good signs! However, if she pulls away from you or does not respond then it may be time to move on.

Flirtatious Signal 2: Hair play

The classic indicator of interest from women is that she starts twirling her hair with her fingers while she is talking to you. Alternatively, she may run their fingers through her hair or ruffle her hair to try and make herself appear more playful.

By doing this, she is preening herself—trying to make herself look good for you. In addition, she is also trying to draw attention to herself. She wants you to focus on her hair, which is one of the more flirtatious parts of her body. She’s trying to tell you that she’s attractive and she wants you to notice her.

It’s easy to dismiss hair play as a nervous habit or something that she just enjoys doing, but women typically won’t do this unless she’s really interested in you. If you notice that she’s playing with her hair while she’s talking to you then it’s definitely a good sign!

Flirtatious Signal 3: Eye Contact

Eye contact is also a sign that she is interested in you. Normally, we don’t make eye contact with other people unless we either know the other person or are talking to them. If you make eye contact with someone during your day-to-day life they’ll usually glance away quickly. Thus, if she is going out of her way to make eye contact with you then it’s a clear sign that she wants you to talk to her.

If you notice that she is looking you directly in the eyes, do the same for a few seconds and then look away. Then, try to make eye contact again a little bit later. Meet her eyes again three or four times. After making eye contact a few times, smile at her and see if she smiles back. If she does then she is definitely interested in you. Go talk to her already!!

Flirtatious Signal 4: She laughs at your jokes

If she is laughing as you talk to her then it means she is comfortable around you. Women love a guy who can make them laugh. Even if you’re not the funniest guy in the room, if she is attracted to you then it actually makes you funnier to her.

By the way, I’m really terrible at telling jokes. There have been times where I’ve told a joke and then my friends would tell me—out loud—“Steve, that wasn’t funny at all.”

Seriously, who says that out loud!? My friends, apparently. Thus, if I’m talking to a woman and she laughs at my jokes then I know that she’s probably attracted to me.

Flirtatious Signal 5: Personal Questions

Another sign the she is interested in you is that she asks you questions that are more personal. Remember what I said earlier about how we allow people into our personal space depending on how closely we know them? It’s the same thing here.

When we talk to people that we don’t care to know well, we might keep the conversation more impersonal. We use routine sayings (“How are you?” “Good, and you?” “Good”) or easily observable facts (“The weather is nice today”). Impersonal responses such as these keep people we don’t know very well at a conversational arm’s length.

On the other hand, if she is interested then she might talk to you about more personal stuff. She might ask you open-ended questions about yourself. “What are your hobbies?” “What do you like to do?” “What’s your favorite movie/book/music?” This is a sign that she wants to know you on a deeper level. She’s trying to better understand who you are.

Is she interested in you?

Next time you’re checking out a woman or talking to someone that you might be interested in, watch out for a few of these signs that she’s interested in you. It’s easy to second guess the signals that she gives you or just write it off as “her being friendly”. If she’s giving you some of these signs, though, then she just might actually be interested in you. Go up and talk to her! Ask her out!

Don’t be that guy who is clueless and misses out on having a great relationship because he can’t see the signals that women are giving him. I can tell you from experience that it sucks to be that guy.

2 thoughts on “How to tell if she’s interested in you

  1. What’s your take on PUA? Because this is all PUA stuff. I was under the impression that you dislike PUA, I might be wrong though

    1. You’re right Sandro. I’m not a fan of PUA. This was one of my earliest posts. Back then, I wasn’t very good at writing and I struggled with trying to write advice that was 1) good and 2) not too pick-up artisty.

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