I almost couldn’t believe the words I was reading.

Some time ago, I was coaching a client named Hayden who told me that he’d never been in a relationship before. He’d never been on a date either. In fact, he’d never even asked a woman out since grade school because the last time he tried, he ended up getting badly bullied by his classmates. That experience followed him for a long time and left him terrified of asking anyone out again, even throughout his adult life.

Fast forward a few weeks, and Hayden tells me that women are now approaching him and asking him out on dates! Even more, it didn’t take any drastic changes such as becoming filthy rich or super-ripped overnight. He just made a few tweaks to his daily life.

So, you can imagine my surprise when he told me this!!

Here’s what he did:

First, he’d been making friends with the men and women that he’d been meeting using a method I call “The Three-Step Quality Woman Locator Method”. It goes like this (feel free to skip this section if you’re already meeting a lot of women, you lucky dog).

• Step 1: Brainstorm a potential list of places to meet women
  • Start by holding a brainstorming session for around five minutes. Based on where you live and what venues were nearby, what are some potential places where you might meet someone? Some ideas that have popped up during my sessions together with clients are: volunteering activities, work, the mall, Starbucks, the park, bars & clubs, and even cooking classes.
  • Try to write down as many ideas as you can in these five minutes. Don’t worry about getting these perfect – whenever I do this exercise with clients, some of our ideas always end up being good and a few of them are great, but a lot of them are just outright ridiculous! That’s okay. I always tell my clients to generate as many ideas as we possibly can and then pick the top three places in the next step.
• Step 2: Pick your top three places from the list
  • For a potential venue to make the cut, it should meet two criteria. First, it should to be a place where you can meet women. Second, it should be a place that you would genuinely be interested in exploring.
  • For example, your typical computer science class or Comic Con probably won’t have a lot of women to meet. And trying to date your co-workers might get you fired. Bars & clubs are classic places for extroverts to meet women, but if they don’t interest you then cross them off your list.
  • In a recent session, one of my clients said that he heard cooking classes were a great place to meet women, but he didn’t personally find those interesting, so we axed that idea. He also wasn’t interested in the bar & club scene so I told him not to worry about it. The three places that made the cut for him were: ballroom dancing, online dating, and his church singles class.
  • Pick your top three venues that meet both these criteria. (And if it turns out none of the places you came up with suit you, try holding another brainstorming session!) When you’re done, continue to the next step.
• Step 3: Schedule a specific time and place to go to these venues
  • Finally, I want you to look at your calendar and block off a concrete chunk of time to go to the specific address of your top three places.
  • For example, if one of your chosen top three places is “volunteering”, then when specifically are you going to go volunteering? And at what time? A good answer to this looks like: “Go volunteering at the Animal Shelter on 123 East-west Street this Saturday at 3 PM.”

Hayden understood that, statistically, you’re not going to meet an interesting woman one-hundred percent of the time you go out. If you do…great! But if not…your next move is to just make friends with random people you meet at these places. (Use the same scripts throughout this website! They’re not just good for talking to women – they’re also great for “asking out” other guys and making friends).

Second, he said “yes” to every invitation he received from his new friends. Invited to go rock-climbing? Yes! Invited to go play laser tag? Yes! Invited to go to a bar or new restaurant? Also, yes! If you’re a nerd or introvert like me, it’s easy to fall into a lifestyle where you stay inside and never meet anyone new. And there’s nothing wrong with that…it’s just not a great way to meet women.

So, whenever one of your newfound friends (or even your current friends) invites you out to something, say YES. Even if it’s a little outside your comfort zone or if you have to rearrange your calendar. Find a way to say “yes!”

Finally, you’ll often meet new people by agreeing to go out with your new friends. Whenever he met someone new this way, he would make friends with them too. And he would repeat the process of making friends and saying “yes” to any and all invitations received.

That’s when the magic happened. I’ll let him describe it in his own words:

“Hey Steven! It has been a crazy week! I hope you’re doing well! All right, so, I do have a date on Saturday! We were introduced through a mutual friend. The weekend before last, I attended an Ordination ceremony for a friend of mine from college…she sent me a text saying she has a single friend who was fed up with dating apps…

After going back and forth a bit and my awkward attempts at flirting, we set up a date near her apartment. We’re going for a walk on the John Muir Trail (don’t know if you’ve hear of it) and getting dinner afterwards. She actually contacted me first. She also seemed to be eager to meet me, so those are good signs. I’ll let you know how it goes.” – Hayden F.

Hayden was one of my best clients, but remember that he wasn’t anyone particularly special or unique or out-of-the-ordinary. He simply used my dating frameworks, techniques, and advice—including the ones I share in my weekly newsletters—and used them to create the life he wanted.