So, how many of us enjoy going to bars and clubs? Between the huge crowds, loud music, and obligatory drinking, they’re just not my style. By the end of the night, my ears are ringing, my voice is raspy from trying to talk over the noise, and alcohol just isn’t my cup of tea. And people are actually expected to find romantic connections in such an environment? Count me out!
Heck, my idea of an awesome Friday night looks like this:
We’re not shy people. However, we use up our energy when we have to interact with other people and we can only use so much energy before we need to be alone and recharge. Personally, I tend to feel like taking a nap after I’ve been socializing with other people for a while.
Unlike extroverts, we become tired very easily after being surrounded by other people. Since we can only be social for so long before we need to go home and relax on our own, we need to be choosy about where we go to meet women.
Here are five of my favorite places to meet women as an introvert.
The first place I recommend is online dating. It’s a great way to meet women without even having to leave your room, and it’s become so popular that the Carly Rae Jepson song “I Really Like You” shows people swiping on Tinder (don’t click that link, though! Lest you get that DAMN song stuck in your head!!)
My personal recommendation is OKCupid (free). Alternatives include Plenty of Fish (free), Tinder (free), and Match.com (paid). Supposedly Match.com gets you better results because everyone else is also paying for it, but I’ve found that the free applications work great as well.
Write a profile for yourself that is both fun and authentic and make sure that you have a flattering picture. “Show, don’t tel”l your best qualities. After you’ve written something, try reading it out loud to yourself. Does it sound interesting? If it doesn’t sound interesting to you, it’s not going to be interesting to anybody else either.
Send messages to women which are fun and witty and that also invite a response. Don’t just say “Hey” or make it overly long (imagine that you just received an email from a complete stranger that just said “Hey” or was over five paragraphs long…how on Earth are you supposed to respond to that?), and keep in mind that not every message you send out will get a response. I like to ask her a fun question. For example, I was reading the profile of this one girl and I noticed that she was in medical school. My message:
“Do they show you the way to a man’s heart in med school?”
She responded, “No, but they showed me how to dissect a man’s heart.”
“Wow, remind me never to make you mad” I replied.
When she responds, message her back-and-forth briefly and then ask her for her phone number. Don’t log off before doing so!
Do you remember how easy it was to meet new people throughout grade school and in college? Even if you are already out of college, there are still options for classes that you can take. Check out some of the community classes in your area, or try out one of those clubs that offer dance lessons.
I suggest cooking or dance classes. Being able to cook is not only practical, it’s also an extremely attractive skill for any guy to have. Women love someone who knows how to cook and it gives you a great reason to invite her back to your apartment. Dancing teaches you how to lead and be confident around women. It’s an incredibly romantic activity.
Just keep in mind that your mileage may vary depending on what type of class you attend. If you take a computer programming class, for example, then you may only have a few classmates who are women. On the other hand, classes that teach cooking or dancing tend to have more women than men. Dance classes also allow you to get up close and personal with your classmates.
Meetups and Social Events
Meetups are a great place because women want you to interact with them at these places. That’s the whole point of a meetup–so people can interact with other people! In this type of setting it becomes much, much easier to just walk up to someone you don’t know and introduce yourself.
I suggest using Meetup.com to find these types of events. It can be any type of meetup you want: book clubs, hiking clubs, amateur sports, etc. A few of the girls I dated were people I met at networking events for Asians. Definitely pick something that you would enjoy doing, but also keep in mind that your mileage may vary according to what kind of event you go to. For example, you’re probably going to meet more women at a book club rather than a computer or video games club (of course, that’s not to say that it can’t be done.)
Meetups also provide a great opportunity for you to make new friends. Meeting through mutual friends is the number one way for people to meet their significant other, and if you aren’t meeting anyone through your current social circle then it doesn’t hurt to make some new friends. Even if you don’t happen to run into an interesting woman at the meetup, you can always introduce yourself to some of the other guys there. They might happen to know someone who is a good match for you.
Keep in mind that events such as these may easily use up a lot of your social energy. There might be a lot of people there to interact with and I find that my introverted self can get tired very quickly. You can always take off early if needed, and in case of emergency there is always the introvert battery recharge pod.
Libraries and Bookstores
Given the choice between reading a book or going to a loud party with 20+ people, I’d have to go with the book. As an introvert, reading is right up my alley. And libraries are the perfect place to do just that! Libraries and bookstores tend to be quieter and calm, which make them the perfect place to go and relax for a while. They don’t drain our energy in the way that bars or parties do. It’s a great place to read that book you love or to find a new book to read. And, it’s a great place to find other women who are also huge into reading! Maybe you’ll meet a woman who likes the same book you do. Or, maybe she’s never read your favorite book and would love to hear all about it.
A while ago, I was in the library and I saw one woman sitting at a table by herself reading.
“Mind if I sit here?” I asked.
“Nope, go right ahead” she replied.
I pulled out my own book and started reading for myself. After a while, my curiosity got the better of me and I asked her,
“What are you reading?”
“I’m reading this one book about wizards.”
“So, like Harry Potter?”
“Yeah, sort of. It’s a little different, but I really like the kind of books that pull you into a fantasy world. What are you reading?”
We ended up had a lively discussion about the book that she was reading and the book I was reading. I told her that I needed to go and that I’d love to talk to her more about our favorite books over a cup of coffee.
And we did.
Believe it or not, the gym is a great place to meet women. And there are obvious health benefits to being there as well. Working out helps you become both healthier and more attractive. It releases endorphins which makes you happier and increases your testosterone levels which makes you feel more confident.
The key to meeting women at the gym is to do it tastefully. If everyone else is there to improve their health and you’re the one person who’s only there to pick up women, you’re going to stand out like a sore thumb. Instead, go for yourself while also remaining open to the possibility of meeting someone there.
Now, there are a few different types of people you see at the gym. There are the one-hit wonders who only appear once (typically as part of an ill-conceived New Year’s Resolution). And then there are the regulars. If you show up at the gym on a regular basis, you quickly learn which of the other people there are also regulars. You see them there again and again, which helps to build a sense of familiarity. And they’ll become familiar with you too. Try striking up a conversation with one of the regulars.
In addition many gyms offer classes such as spinning, martial arts, and yoga. These provide a great opportunity to meet new people and, again, a lot more women tend to go to these types of classes than men.
Immediately after a workout, you’ll be feeling happier. She’ll be feeling great as well. You’ll naturally feel a post-workout confidence. And if you’re a regular, there’ll be some degree of familiarity between you two. Go for it!
How to Meet Women
I totally understand that being an introvert means that socializing with other people can drain your energy. And I’m not asking you to become an extrovert. After a long day at work, there’s nothing I want to do more than fire up Netflix and watch reruns of Friends in my pajamas.
All I’m saying is that when you do have some extra social energy, try to find something that you might enjoy doing outside of your room once or twice a week. You’ll become a more interesting person and you’ll meet new people. Perhaps you’ll run across an interesting woman to take on a date. Or, you might make some new friends who can introduce you to someone that they know. Give online dating a shot as well, since you can do it from the comfort of your own room.
To learn more about how to talk to women that you meet in any of these places, enter your email below and you’ll get my free “How to talk to women” conversational cheat sheet.