Let’s talk about confidence.
As I was growing up, it always felt like women liked the guys who were more confident and outgoing. Whenever I had a crush on someone, most of the time I would be too scared to ask her out. My mind would tell me things like “she probably already has a boyfriend,” and if I did try to talk to her then I would become super awkward and would barely even be able to say anything. The one piece of advice I heard over and over again for being confident was to “fake it until you make it” but that never helped me at all.
This makes it especially difficult because as we’re the ones who are expected to be the initiators when it comes to dating. It’s up to us to take the first step and ask her out, to go for the first kiss, to ask her to be exclusive, to say the first “I love you”, and so on. This means that we’re the ones who risk being rejected or shot down.
How are we supposed to be confident in the first place if we don’t have much (or any) dating experience to begin with? It’s easier to be confident if you’ve had girlfriends in the past before or if you often go on a lot of dates. But what about those of us who don’t have any of that experience to begin with?
Here’s a quick trick I would use in order to make myself more confident. If there was a woman that I wanted to talk to, I would say this one sentence to myself:
“I’m going to ask her out and if she says yes, great! And if not, that’s okay because instead I will do _______.”
You can fill in the blank with any specific activity that you would enjoy doing. Some of the things I used to complete that sentence were,
- Reading Harry Potter
- Playing the newest Assassin’s Creed
- Watching the latest Markiplier video on YouTube
- Getting a short workout done in the gym
I would get myself excited about doing that activity. I would get myself hyped and look forward to doing that activity, to the point where if she said yes then I would almost be disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to do it.
That’s when I would make a move and go talk to her.
If she said no, then I would still have this really fun activity lined up that I’d now be able to do. For example, I might say to myself “I’m going to ask her out and if she says yes, great! And if not, that’s okay because instead I will play Assassin’s Creed II.”
Here’s the secret to being confident: you need to be okay with the possibility that she will turn you down. This simple technique helped me do just that. If I asked her out and she said yes, fantastic!! And if she turned me down, that’s okay. I’ll just do this other super-fun activity instead. This mindset makes me more confident because whether or not she goes out with me or turns me down, I’m entirely fine with either outcome.
In fact, this kind of outcome-independence actually makes you more attractive to women!
What if you don’t have an activity that you can do instead? Then go get one! Seriously, if you don’t have any sort of activities or hobbies that you find interesting then how can you expect any woman to find you interesting?