There’s a lot of popular advice about how to be confident. When I was too nervous to talk to women, I always heard “Fake it until you make it” or “Just do it, man!” Neither of these really helped much.

Once I heard that you should approach 50 women to overcome your approach anxiety. I’ve encountered over 50 spiders in my lifetime and they still scare the living daylights out of me.

And then you have the dumb@$$ advice on how to be confident…you either “neg” her to undermine her self-confidence or you pretend to be completely indifferent even though deep down you actually do care. Please, don’t do this!

There’s a super counter-intuitive, mundane way to be confident. One that’s so boring that few people ever talk about it.

That is to lead a full life.

Fill your life with fulfilling hobbies. With good friends. With a job that makes you excited to get out of bed in the morning. Fill your cup of life.

When your cup is full, it doesn’t matter that much anymore whether or not she turns you down. Sure, when you get rejected then it’s still going to sting like a “female dog.” But since you have a fulfilling hobby, job, and or social/group to fall back on, you’re going to be okay. This makes you less needy and more confident.

She doesn’t want a man whose cup of life is half-empty and that she has to fill. Instead, she wants to find someone else who also has a full cup so that you both have two full cups to share with each other.