I used to have a hard time meeting women after I graduated college. As an introvert I didn’t know how to go meet women since I was more comfortable going home and reading a book, working out, or just playing video games.
You know, just doing this all night or even all weekend…
Every day after work, I cherished my time with myself since it allowed me to recharge. However, as that summer went on I became uncomfortably aware that more and time had gone by since I had a girlfriend or even went on a date.
Where was I supposed to go to meet someone?
The loud atmosphere at bars and clubs just wasn’t my style, and they seemed like good places for a pick up artist to pick someone up for the night but not if you’re looking for a real relationship. The gym always offered a nice workout after a long day at work but there were always a lot more men than women and it seemed impossible to chase anyone there without being labeled a “creeper.” Coffee shops often had a lot of women but the idea of going up to someone you don’t know at a public setting like that gave me knots in my stomach and I couldn’t psyche myself into doing it. Finally, online dating was notorious for being almost impossible for a guy to actually get any dates, especially if you’re not tall or muscular enough.
I didn’t feel like I had any options for meeting someone. What’s a guy to do?
Near the end of the summer I found myself at a Chinese ethnic lunch meetup. It was a little outside of my comfort zone, but I figured that meeting other Chinese people would be a fun experience. If nothing else, I’d at least get a free meal out of it.
Soon after I arrived, a lovely woman with an empty seat next to her caught my eye. She looked at me and smiled. I sat down next to her, we got to talking, I learned a little bit about her, and she told me that she would like me to take her to the lake sometime. She gave me her number and I gave her mine.
By going out to an event such as this, I actually put myself in an environment that worked to my advantage. In areas such as clubs and bars, it’s expected for men to try and pick up women. Men become actors and wear masks trying to impress women, while women put up their walls and defenses towards strangers. That’s a tough place for an introvert to succeed. And in public settings such as coffee shops or the gym, you have to perform a “cold” approach in order to meet somebody–which of course isn’t impossible, but approaching strangers and getting their phone numbers is anxiety-inducing and can be difficult even for the most social of extroverts.
On the other hand, meetup groups such as these provide a social context that makes it more natural to talk to other people. At events such as these it’s more socially welcome to go right up to someone you don’t know yet and introduce yourself. You’re no longer making “cold” approaches because the environment naturally helps to warm the ice.
Even if you go to an event and you don’t find someone interesting right off the bat, that’s okay! You’ll actually benefit in a couple of other not-so-obvious ways. First, you will start to meet men and women within your community, and they will know other people who might be able to connect you to other dateable women within their social circles. In addition, if you later run into someone who attended the same event then you can almost guarantee a successful approach by just going up to them and mentioning that.
“Hey! You were at the […] event.” Boom! Instant conversation starter!!
Let’s start meeting more women right away! Here’s what I want you to do:
Find some sort of meetup or social gathering happening in the near future that you think you might enjoy going to. It can be a book club, volunteer activity, gatherings held by your friends or within your community, whatever. Just make sure it’s something that you think you may enjoy doing.
If you already have an event in mind, great! Otherwise, one of the easiest ways to do this is through Meetup.com. Let’s check it out.
The website looks like this. From here, we can type something in the search bar if we already have something in mind. Otherwise, we can just scroll down for infinity until we see something interesting. Here’s a Meetup group called “Milwaukee Fun.” Wait…are those people shooting at each other using water guns?? That looks exciting!
Scrolling down some more, we find a salsa group and a “Date for Tonight” group. These types of groups are a little daring to join, especially if you have no dancing experience or have two left feet. However, you know there’s going to be women there!
And finally, here’s a group created specifically for introverts. That sounds right up my alley!
As introverts, we don’t mind an evening or even an entire weekend where we just stay at home. We need some time by ourselves in order to recharge. That’s okay! Sometimes I spend my weekends just staying in bed and playing Super Mario 64 or Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask (which I’ve had for years and still never finished).
However, we will never meet anyone if we don’t go out at least once in a while. So, pick something that you think you might enjoy going to in the near future, talk to people there, and have fun!
Finally, if you’re worried about how to actually talk to people at these events, don’t be. I’ll be covering how to talk to someone at events like these in a later post. Sign up below and I’ll send it right to your inbox!