I’ve been reading a lot of self-books these days and it seems like many of them have a similar exercise–

(GOOD self-help books, I mean. Not those weird ones from other dating coaches with half-naked women on the cover, but reputable books like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey or The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman).

Books like these ask you to imagine your own funeral and write a eulogy for yourself. What do you want people to say about you when they talk about you? What legacy would you like to leave behind when you’re no longer here?

I’m gonna be honest and say that I’ve been resisting doing this exercise whenever I read it. Yeah, I know I should, but…

…holy cow, what a depressing thing to think about…

After reading this one, two, three times though, I started to get curious. Maybe it was worth thinking about it if several different authors were independently saying the same thing.

Turns out, it highlights an important part of being confident around women.

One of the best ways to become confident is to live a meaningful life. And thinking about what you’d like people to say about you when you’re not around is a great way to do just that.

Maybe it’s a bit much to ask you to imagine your own funeral. I mean, I still haven’t done that exercise myself. Who am I to tell you to do it?

Another great way to start moving toward a meaningful life is to choose what I call your “Awesome Alternative”, and it goes like this—

The Awesome Alternative Principle

Say that today is Tuesday, and you’re talking to a woman that you’d like to take out on a date this Saturday night. You’re feeling a bit nervous about approaching her and asking her out. What if she turns you down?

That’s why you prepare your Awesome Alternative. This can be any activity or hobby that you would genuinely enjoy doing by yourself on a Saturday night, just in case she does turn you down. Some examples of Awesome Alternatives that I always used are…

…pouring myself a cup of wine and reading some books…

…wrapping myself in a blanket and having a gaming marathon…

…or, trying to cook a new dish that I’ve never made before.

You see, none of these are anything super complicated. Just fun, simple little activities that I genuinely enjoy doing. Feel free to steal my Awesome Alternatives or pick your own.

Just make sure that your Awesome Alternatives are things that you positively, genuinely enjoy doing. Don’t resort to activities that simply numb the pain. Reading books while drinking a small glass of wine makes me feel good. On the other hand, binge-drinking beer until I feel sick because I feel lonely is just numbing the pain.

There’s a two-fold benefit for having an Awesome Alternative prepared. First, it gives you a fun backup activity to do in case she happens to turn you down. She doesn’t want to go on a date this Saturday night? That’s cool—just do your Awesome Alternative instead.

Second, and most important, having your Awesome Alternative ready in your back pocket makes it more likely that she will agree to go out with you. You’ll naturally become more confident, and your hobbies will make you a more interesting person. Women love men who are interesting!

Maybe someday I’ll get around to doing that funeral exercise. But if you’d rather not think about it right now (like me), choosing an interesting activity that you positively, genuinely enjoy doing on your own in your free time is also a great way to move toward living a meaningful life.