Category Archives: Living an honest life

Struggling with a problem? Why “trying harder” isn’t the answer.

A little while ago, I was talking to a friend of mine and he told me about a problem he was struggling with. I asked him,

“Okay, so what do you think you could try doing?”

And his response was simply…

“…well, I guess I could try harder?”

At this point, alarm bells started going off in my head. I’ve often heard people say that they just need to “try harder” when they have a problem they’re struggling to solve. Heck, I’ve even said it myself!

  • I’m having trouble writing? I’ll try harder!
  • I can’t seem to get in shape? I’ll try harder!
  • I’m not getting enough work done? Looks like I have to try harder!

I mean, it sounds logical, right? If I’m trying to solve a problem and I have an issue that I can’t seem to get past, then shouldn’t trying…harder…make a difference? Over time, I’ve come to realize that…

Continue reading Struggling with a problem? Why “trying harder” isn’t the answer.

An open eulogy to my little sister

I’m in shock right now. My little sister passed away after battling cancer for a year. I’m still trying to make some sense out of this. Because, to be honest, it doesn’t make sense. To say that someone can get cancer and die at 24 years old in a world supposedly governed by a just and loving God doesn’t make sense at all. She was engaged, and she and her fiancé should have had their whole lives ahead of them. It’s not fair for all their plans to be cut short just like that. Between me, my mom, my dad, and her fiancé, I know any one of us would trade places with her in a second. Because it doesn’t make sense for someone her age to die of cancer. Not at 24.

I’m going to be upfront today and let you know that I don’t have any dating advice in this week’s newsletter. I’m writing this article for selfish reasons, and if you want to stop reading here then I won’t be offended. It’s okay.

At my sister’s funeral, I volunteered to give a eulogy. My parents were surprised, since I’m usually a quiet person and super terrified of public speaking, but it was something that I felt I needed to say. I’ve decided to make it an open eulogy and publish it on my blog. This way, everything I said during the funeral can live on long after that fateful day:

Continue reading An open eulogy to my little sister

How to write amazing content that drives traffic to your site

The first time I told one of my friends about Quietly Romantic newsletter, he told me that it was “an ingenious way to make money”. Several of them asked me how I came up with this idea, and some of my readers have even emailed me asking if I could help them do something similar. Today I want to show you how you can do the same. Yes, even if you don’t have an English degree and even if you’re “not a good writer”. I’ll show you how to write the type of content that…

  • Got me featured in sites such as Huffington Post and Yahoo!
  • Establishes you as an expert in your industry
  • Drives passive sales, and
  • Changes the world

Continue reading How to write amazing content that drives traffic to your site

The Perils of Identity Politics

I’ve got something important to say, and it involves politics. Now, politics has a funny way of going from 0 to 100,000 really quickly and that’s why I usually avoid talking about it on my website. However, today I’ve got something important to say and I hope I can say it without attracting a lot of salt and vitriol.

On that note, I don’t care if you’re a Republican or Democrat, liberal or conservative, religious or atheist, PC gamer or console gamer, muggle or wizard, cat-person or dog-person. I just ask that you hear me out completely before you throw shade at me for talking about politics. Deal?

Continue reading The Perils of Identity Politics

How to stop min-maxing and be happy with ‘enough’

I used to be terrible at playing video games. When it came to gaming, I always told myself that I needed to be maxed out and have all the sidequests completed before I could even start to enjoy the game. However, before I knew it I had already reached the ending and I’d barely even begun to enjoy myself.

The same thing happened in the real world. I’d look wistfully at all the cool things my friends were doing on Facebook and envy the flashy status symbols they owned that I didn’t. I felt that once I had all of the same things they had then I’d finally be okay. I would finally be able to have fun and enjoy my life. But no matter how much stuff I accumulated and how much I chased the things that I thought I needed, I never felt like I was getting closer to having the things that I actually did need.

As that board game in Jumanji said, there was a lesson I needed to learn. But first I had to go back a turn. Check out what I learned about living a good life on the guest post I wrote for Coaching for Geeks here.

In addition, if you’re the kind of person who sings the DK64 rap in the shower (…I’m not the only one who does that, right? Right??) then you should check out their Facebook community as well. They have a close-knit group full of nerds who support each other in all areas of life, from job hunting, to dating, to productivity and getting things done. It’s run by four coaches, and one of them is a geeky dating coach who I really look up to, Rami Fu.

Seriously! This guy is one of my biggest sources of inspiration.

Links again if you’re interested:

What I learned from my first sexual experience

Disclaimer: Sex talk ahead. This is something I’ve never discussed before on Quietly Romantic, but I think we’re adult enough that it can be a topic for us to talk about. Also, I want to make it clear that I’m not advocating or encouraging judgment around any type of behavior. Whether you only have sex in exclusive relationships or you’re having casual sex with many partners…it’s all the same to me. The point of this post is not to judge anybody for whatever sexual activities they may (or may not) be partaking in. Rather, I want to shine some light on the taboos in our culture.

Also, I’ve dropped some swears and F-bombs in this post. I usually try to avoid swearing but this is something I have some strong opinions about.

Let’s talk about sex.

Sex seems to be a squeamish subject in our culture and we have some weird societal taboos about discussing it, as if sex is somehow dirty or unclean. Especially in places such as the “bible-belt” of the United States, sex is mostly not talked about at all except to say…don’t do it.

What good does that do??

When it comes to young adults who are inexperienced with anything sexually related, for example. Wouldn’t it be better if they could freely talk about and ask for help around this kind of stuff? Just because we don’t talk about it doesn’t mean that people aren’t going to have those “urges” anymore. They’re natural. And if young people can’t talk to anyone about it, then they’re just going to do it anyway—without any knowledge of how to do it safely or what the potential repercussions could be.

That doesn’t make things better. That makes things worse!

I believe sex is something that we should talk more openly about. As a society, it’s something that we should have honest discussions about. Keeping it taboo is not doing us any favors. So, I’ll take the first step and talk about myself and what I’ve learned from my very first sexual experience. Continue reading What I learned from my first sexual experience

The value of enough in a culture of scarcity

Throughout the summer, I went on a cross-country road trip from Wisconsin to Montana. If we’re being totally honest, driving across the country wasn’t my first choice on how I intended to spend my summer. My fiancée was the one who dragged me out to do it. Looking back, I’m glad she did. During my trip, I learned something that will change the way I live the rest of my life. Something I never would have learned in the city.

Continue reading The value of enough in a culture of scarcity

Why it’s okay for men to cry

Society has a weird view on what it means to be a man. Like, really weird. Men aren’t supposed to cry or ask for help or get emotional. That’s…”girly”. I mean, what do you call a woman who acts like a man? A “tomboy”. Let’s flip that around. What do you call a man who acts more like a woman? There aren’t any words for that kind of person.

Scratch that. There aren’t any good words for that type of person.

It’s funny. Men who show emotion are labeled as weak. People say things such as “grow a pair” to guys who act that way. It’s as if we’re expected to die atop our white horses rather than have the luxury of being allowed to fall off.

Continue reading Why it’s okay for men to cry

How to go high when others go low in today’s political climate

Warning: Political talk below. I had some thoughts about today’s tumultuous US political climate that I feel needed to be said aloud. This will be my first–and probably last–post about politics. If you’re not interested in reading about politics, feel free to skip over this article.

I’m not proud of what I did on my birthday.

One of my friends (who happens to be a male stripper) drove out across the country just so he could celebrate my special day with me. We were eating at McDonald’s and enjoying the best French Fries that fast food has to offer when politics somehow found its way into our conversation. I already knew that politics had a funny way of turning civil discussions into bitter arguments…but there was no way that could happen to me, right?

I was wrong. We learned that he supported Trump while I supported Hillary. It all went downhill after that. I tried to make him see things my way, and he did the same. The more we tried to change each other’s views, the more we just became entrenched in our own beliefs. What was supposed to be a happy day turned into a night of bitter anger.

He came all the way across the country to visit me, too. I wish I could take it all back.

Continue reading How to go high when others go low in today’s political climate

Why you NEVER take advice from The Red Pill

This is the most selfish thing I’ve written so far.

A few weeks ago, I was driving my car and I realized that the driver seat seemed a little low compared to the rest of the car. Was my seat crooked? No, the seat was fine. Suddenly, I felt a pit in my stomach. I got out of the car and hoped that it wasn’t what I thought that it was.

It was. The tire went flat. Welp.

To make things worse, it was below freezing outside and I had not put on nearly enough layers to keep myself warm. Double welp.

With no other options, I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. However, it turned out that the lug nuts were frozen in place and could not be easily removed. That’s how I found myself stuck on the side of the road with a flat in subzero temperatures. Triple welp.

My reaction?

I’m a calm and gentle person by nature and it takes a lot to get me angry. So, when something does get me ticked off then you better believe it’s a big thing.

This ticks me off. Buckle up because it’s about to get real.

Continue reading Why you NEVER take advice from The Red Pill