Find that special someone who you can share holidays and birthdays with, who you can turn to for emotional support and intimacy, and who “gets” you and loves you for who you are!
I used to enjoy being a lone wolf, but it just didn’t seem that great anymore.
I’m an introvert by nature and my Friday nights were always spent doing something like this…
…and I loved it! My friends were introverts as well and most of our time together was spent doing these sort of activities. Playing video games, watching anime, or just discussing the latest books (and memes) we’ve read.
But then, the fire nation attacked everything started to change. They started getting into relationships. We were still friends but things were different now. When I saw how happy they were with their girlfriends or significant others or soon-to-be-wives, I was happy for them, but to be totally honest…
I wanted to have that too.
But I had no idea how to do any of that.
Where do you even go to meet women? I’d always come home after work or I’d just hang out with my remaining single friends who all had super technical jobs (accountant, engineer, IT person), and we never went to bars & clubs or anything like that. Yeah, I know you “go outside” to meet women but…where?
And on the off chance that I happen to run into someone interesting, how do you even talk to her? I’d always freeze up or run out of things to say, let alone even try to make the conversation funny or interesting.
Flirting. Was there a lesson on flirting that I happened to miss? Did my invitation get lost in the mail? Like, I was embarrassed that I didn’t know what “flirting” even meant. The most common dating advice I heard was “learn to flirt” with no explanation. How do you even do that?
So, I did what anyone does when presented with a problem they don’t know how to solve. I turned to Google. I read the most popular dating advice books. I watched YouTube videos ran by dating gurus. And I wish that I could tell you I found the answers I was looking for and all my problems were solved…
…but all the dating advice I found just made me even more confused…
When I read the popular advice out there I just felt…intimidated. A lot of the books I found were clearly written with extroverts in mind. They’d tell you how to talk to women at bars & clubs and such. One popular dating advice YouTube channel even featured the host dressing up as Mario and Luigi to go out and hit on women.
What if you don’t even like going to bars & clubs at all, though? Would I need to force myself to become a bar patron just to find love? I didn’t disagree with what they were saying. There wasn’t anything wrong with their advice. It’s just not who I was.
The answer came to me one fateful summer day.
I happened to be cleaning out my bedroom closet and I found two dusty yellow books buried in the corner under a pile of unworn jackets. I picked them up and blew the dust off their covers. One of the books was bright yellow with its title printed in bold white letters, and the other was more peach-colored with normal font.
I cracked open the bright yellow book. To be honest, I almost didn’t read it because it had—and this is not an exaggeration—one of the most insulting book titles I’ve ever seen in my life! I’m glad I did though. Things started to make sense. Finally, here was the social skills advice geared toward introverts that I’d been looking for this whole time!
It got even better when I cracked open the peach-colored book. Reading through it, I learned how to take all the conversational advice from the first book and apply it to build a genuine connection with someone you’re interested in.
My search was over! These two books gave me the introverted dating advice that the hours and hours I’d spent poring over the world’s most popular dating advice books, articles, and YouTube videos could not. The name of the second, peach-colored book was The Seven Levels of Intimacy by Matthew Kelly.
And the first book?
Job Interviews for Dummies by Joyce Lain Kennedy.
It seems weird, but the key lesson I learned from these two seemingly random books was how to take “the-best-version-of-yourself” and communicate it in a way that’s genuine and authentic to you, specifically. This was the missing piece of the puzzle.
Most dating advice books missed this because they’re written either by extroverts or by introverted pickup artists who overlook the fact that the person reading their book might have a completely different personality than the person writing their book.
Here’s what things looked like after I applied what I learned from these two books.
More importantly, here’s what I want for you:
Imagine, you have a girlfriend who understands your hobbies, your personality, your quirks, and all those things that make you…“you”. She’s someone who see not just your strong personality traits, but also your character flaws. And she not only accepts them, but she loves you even more because of them.
Holidays are now more fun because you get to celebrate them with someone you love. It’s 11:59 pm on New Year’s Eve, and the two of you are watching the clock eagerly awaiting the seconds as the pass by (and maybe drinking some Coke if you don’t normally stay up that late).
It’s 11:59:57 pm…
Now 11:59:58 pm…
And now 11:59:59 pm…
Finally, the two of you turn toward each other and yell “Happy New Year!!” You wrap your arms around her and give her a kiss as the clock strikes midnight and the new year arrives.
Valentine’s Day rolls around. Sure, it might not be a “real” holiday, but now you have an excuse to do something soppy and romantic for that woman you love. Maybe it’s making a reservation at that romantic restaurant down the street. Maybe it’s watching that new rom-com in the theaters. Or, maybe it’s just buying some flowers, some candies, and some heart-shaped flowers for the woman you love.
(Or if you’re like me, you’ll wait until the day after Valentine’s Day and buy them half-off!)
Imagine that it’s your birthday. Everyone you know is freaking out about turning older and not being young anymore and all the goals they still haven’t accomplished yet and etc. Not you, though.
You and your significant other go out and buy a cake. The two of you head back to your place to celebrate. You carefully take the cake out of its box and place it onto the table. One by one, you place the candle on top of the cake and light them up.
She leans in close to you. “Make a wish,” she whispers.
You inhale deeply and then blow out the candles. You know that you’re supposed to keep your wish a secret, but you can’t help glancing knowingly at her and letting a smile cross your face.
It’s already come true. Spending your birthday with the woman you love makes it that much more special.
Christmas rolls around. Winter is here and it’s getting colder, so the two of you share a blanket and huddle together on the couch while watching a classic Christmas movie such as How the Grinch Stole Christmas or It’s a Wonderful Life or Die Hard. (Yes, that’s a Christmas movie. Fight me on this!)
You’ve bought each other gifts and now that December 25th has finally arrived, you’re excited to unwrap them and see what she bought you. What’s even more exciting, however, is waiting for her to open the gifts you bought and seeing that look of wonder and surprise light up her face. Just like when you were kids.
That’s what really matters on Christmas. It’s not about the gifts you bought for each other. It’s about spending the holidays with someone special.
There’s one more thing I want you to imagine.
Think of something that you’ve been hoping for a long time. Stop right here and take a second to think of what it might be. What might it be?
Maybe it’s that promotion at work. Maybe you passed that exam you were struggling with. Maybe you went to a conference and had an awesome time. Or, maybe you just finished reading that amazing book and you feel that bittersweet pang of reaching the end and having enjoyed an amazing journey. Whatever it was, you’ve achieved it.
And now, you have someone special to share the good news with.
“How was your day?” she asks you, her face beaming with anticipation. You tell her all the awesome things that happened today. She leans forward, listening to every word you say. When you’re finished, she wraps her arms around you and gives you a kiss. And suddenly, your day has become that much more amazing because you have someone special to share it with.
Now, imagine the opposite. Try to recall the last time that nothing just seemed to go your way. Maybe you had a tough day at work. Maybe you couldn’t pass that exam, even though you know you studied hard. Maybe you accidentally ripped your favorite pair of clothes. Or, maybe you just reached the end of that book and your favorite character died.
Instead of going through it alone, now you have someone to pick you up when you’re feeling down.
“How was your day?” she asks you, just as she always does. You look down for a second, shake your head, and sigh wistfully.
“Not so good”, you reply.
“Oh,” she says softly. “Want to tell me about it?” she asks, placing her arm across your back and snuggling in close to you. As you begin to recall the moments of your day, you smile and begin to feel as if a great weight were lifted off your shoulders. Now you’re not alone anymore. Now, you have someone to pick you up when you’re feeling down.
Someone who you have a genuine, deep-level admiration and respect for (and who feels the same way about you).
It’s about having someone special to share fun times and happiness with. It’s about those dumb in-jokes we have together and getting random texts from her that say “Love you” and having someone familiar to come home to and just talk about how our day was going. It’s about having that you can hold hands with and turn to for support when you’re feeling down and who you can build a life together as a team.
And when you’re with her, you’re in a special place that words fall short of doing justice. Like…a bubble from the outside world where you’re free from all the pressures of life. A secret place where you can take off your make and let your gentle, sensitive side come out. A safe space for your heart and soul.
When you’re with her, you’re home.
That’s the kind of relationship I have with my wife today, and that’s what I want to help you achieve as well.
Introducing Quietly Romantic Breakthrough Sessions, the free one-hour coaching session for the gentle, quiet guys who want to find love:
Join now and we’ll dive deep into:
- The best places for you, specifically, to meet women
- Talking to women, even if you’ve never been on a date before
- How to move past being friends or dating into a romantic relationship, even if you’ve never had a girlfriend before
Plus, whatever else is on your mind. Even if you just want to nerd out and gossip about memes for an hour.
Not sure this will work for you? Check out the story of one of my clients:
“It’s the first time since I was 20 in which I made it past the first date with a girl or was close to making her my girlfriend. We ended up dating for 4 months! This year was a milestone for me in terms of dating and I hope it continues to be for the remainder of the year. Felt like I finally ended the single streak this year.” [Andy W.]
“Good news! I had my second date with her last night! I’m looking to get a third date. I’m very proud of myself.” [Andy W.]
“More good news. I’m currently seeing someone now! I find her so cute and adorable.” [Andy W.]
(Notice that these are all the same person starting from zero and progressing into a relationship.)
Still not sure? Check out how this coaching has helped others just like you:
“Thank you for sharing your story! I’m a gentle guy and also don’t feel like the standard way of talking to women you’re interested is authentic to me, so I’m glad that you’re providing a way to act that’s more aligned with who I am.” [Timothy T.]
“[I’ve watched] a handful of [other people’s] YouTube channels but felt quite intimidated after listening to what they had to say. I’m overjoyed to have found your website because the other dating experts and websites I’ve found cater to extroverted men. “ [David N.]
“All right, so, I do have a date on Saturday!…After going back and forth a bit and my awkward attempts at flirting, we set up a date near her apartment. We’re going for a walk on the John Muir Trail (don’t know if you’ve hear of it) and getting dinner afterwards. She actually contacted me first.” [Hayden F.]
What’s makes a great relationship?
Sex is nice, sure, but it’s more than just that. It’s about finding someone to share fun times and happiness with. Having someone you can vent to when you’re having a bad day. Someone who can be there for you when you’re not feeling well. Someone to support you emotionally when you’re feeling down.
It’s about finding someone to hold hands with and someone to go traveling with…or someone to just sit on the couch and cuddle with while watching movies together. It’s about having someone you can be emotionally intimate with. Someone familiar to hold at night and just lay there together.
It’s about having someone to care for. Someone you can bounce ideas off of and talk to about your feelings. Someone you can love and still be best friends with. Someone special to talk to at the end of the day.
Ultimately, it’s about finding a woman who “gets” you. A woman whom you can totally just be yourself around. A woman who knows your likes and dislikes, your flaws, your quirky character traits, and who loves you all the same.
That’s what I want to help you achieve. You don’t have to go it alone! Let’s do it, together.
See you inside.